This blog post courtesy of…

Microsoft, yes you wonderful Microsoft with your big CEO Bill Gates!  For those of you in the gaming community, you all know that this week is the yearly celebration of gaming; the week where all of the gods of consoles smile upon us and unveil their gifts for the upcoming year… for the small price of your monthly paycheck.  Yes, this is E3 week… and today was the Microsoft press conference.

I am an Xbox gamer, 100%.  I used to be a huge Nintendo geek, but then I grew up and realized jumping around and collecting coins was much less satisfying than wielding a 50 cal and popping heads from a rooftop.  This year Microsoft did not disappoint!  They gave me tons of fodder for my blog which is a celebration all its own.  Fasten your seatbelts, gents!

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Gears 3

Lawdy lawdy!  Two long years ago Gears of War 2 blew my mind and continues to blow my mind today with the never boring Horde and the satisfying spat of a curb stomp finishing move.  It helps to have two best friends who adore the game far more than you do.  Only a few weeks ago was the trailer released and today we got our first look at gameplay in the campaign, including a campaign co-op mode for 2-4 people!  No longer does third-wheel jimmy have to sit and watch… you can listen to his screams of “REVIVE ME!!!!” too.  As an afterthought, one of the representatives also mentioned a new game mode called “Beast.”  We’re all certainly wondering what that is.

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Fable 3

I borrowed Fable 2 from a friend and played it through, enjoying it immensely having come from such RPG’s as The Elder Scrolls: Oblivion and Fallout 3.  It was different, a bit more cartoonish, and a bit more decision based.  I would watch the press conference just to see the trailer for Fable 3 if you’re a fan, because even though I kinda played through it and didn’t stop to smell the roses, it looks like I’m going to be picking that up and I’m stingy when it comes to games.

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Halo Reach

Now, if you’re a Halo fan you probably played the Beta when it came out.  At E3 they just showed you what was missing:  A sneak peak at the campaign.  I worry about this game; I’m going to be honest.  There were a lot of things I personally did not like about the Beta.  It was fun, but I liked the feel of Halo 3 better and felt the franchise was trying to be something that it wasn’t in this new game.  It also unnerved me at the amount of attention they were putting on the Online play and little to no attention on the campaign.  We saw this with ODST:  An extreme focus on Firefight mode, and a pathetic storyline.  This is something I’m going to have to watch.  It’s sad that I’m more excited about Gears then Halo, which got me into FPS’s in the first place.

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Kinect

If you haven’t watched the press conference, you still know it as Project Natal.  I am an extremely critical person, mostly of myself.  I am very critical of this idea.  Back when the Wii came out, I decided to buy it instead of the 360 because I was a broke kid and my parents didn’t buy everything for me.  that was a serious mistake.  The Wii is fun, don’t get me wrong, but it’s for people who are not serious gamers.  I don’t mean to insult, but it just lacks the power and advancement that the 360 and the PS3 has.

When the idea of Natal first came out I immediately thought, “Oh hell no, Microsoft is going to copy Nintendo and I’m going to have to end up buying a bloody Playstation.”  Some times has passed and at this conference Microsoft has swayed me a little, though I am still not on board.

Let me be straight.  When you introduce “Kinectimals” or whatever the hell that game is where you play with fuzzy animals to a group of Microsoft fans who are used to blowing heads in Gears and CoD, we are not amused and not impressed.  That is like Nintendogs on the Nintendo DS… cute… but not fun past the first two minutes.  I don’t want to play with fuzzy animals… I have a real dog I do that with.  If you create games where the object is to play with fuzzy animals, your market will not be pleased and they will leave.  This is the same reason I left Nintendo.

Moving on.  The menu control is cool, but I have this controller that already does that without me having to wave my arms around like an idiot.  The camera could be nice to talk to friends… except then I can’t play in my underwear.  Do you see my problem, Microsoft?  Give me a game that will convince me I will enjoy playing this; Don’t give me reasons to hate it.

One of their big announcements was a fitness game to help people exercise and lose weight by scanning your body and seeing “problem” areas.  This is what I imagine in my mind:  Miranda:  “Alright Xbox!  Let’s play Gears 3”  Xbox:  “I’m sorry Miranda, I can’t let you do that.  You must run five miles first and then do yoga before you can sit on the couch and do nothing.”  “But it just got released!”  “I’m sorry, I can’t hear you.  Did you say, “Start Fitness Instructor?” It’s a cool idea, it is, I might even look into it, but it’s not a selling point for a 360 gamer.

In the conference, Microsoft danced around the stage at the prospect of a Star Wars game using motion sensing controls.  My first thought:  “EPIC LIGHTSABER DUELS!”  Then they proceed to show me one of the most retarded sights I have ever seen!  We’re talking N64 gen graphics, moving in a straight line and blocking laser rifles.  WHAT.THE.HELL!  How can you screw up Star Wars!  Pathetic.  Microsoft!  YOU MUST DO BETTER!

So when it comes down to it, my opinion of Kinect:  Will not buy until I see a game that is  1. Fun, 2. Has graphics that don’t make my eyes melt, and 3. Isn’t playing with cute fuzzy animals with no point in sight.  Give me motion censored CoD, Gears, Halo, anything good and then we’ll talk.

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ESPN

For all you sports fans, ESPN has partnered with Microsoft and you will now get ESPN on demand, on your Xbox for FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!  And the sports fanatics cry in happiness.

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Oh yeah, and because I skipped all the junk that I didn’t care about or simply forgot about, here’s a link to the MICROSOFT PRESS CONFERENCE!  It was an hour and a half long, so I missed some things I’m sure.  Go grab some popcorn and a drink, have a seat, and enjoy.  Or don’t, I don’t care.

ADIOS AND THANKS FOR READING!!!!!

P.S. and when they show you the games for Kinect, pause and take a look.  I thought I saw Bakugan… really… Bakugan, Microsoft?  I don’t want that shit.